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Boston Restaurant Blog -- December, 2017

Tuesday, December 26, 2017

10 Restaurant and Food "Predictions" for 2018

photo of the now-closed Hilltop Steak House in Saugus, MAIt's prediction time once again! And it's best to start with a clean slate, as once again, none of the "predictions" for 2017 posted here last year came true (including the proposal for a Northern Goshawk Cafe that seemed destined to happen based on the now-open Cat Cafe, though the year isn't over quite yet). So now it's time to see if some more predictions--these for 2018--might come true, and chances are they won't, but as a Greek philosopher once said many years ago, there's a first time for everything.


1) Anthony Bourdain to Open 100-Square-Foot Food Hall in the Seaport District
Now that his plans for a 100,000-square-foot food hall at NYC's Pier 57 have fallen through, the celebrity chef, writer, and TV personality has decided to open his market on the Boston waterfront instead. Because of high rents, however, he's only able to lease out a hallway leading to the rest rooms at one of the new apartment towers off Northern Avenue.

2) 400 Liquor Licenses Granted to Readville
The city of Boston, seeing that this village within Hyde Park is ripe for growth, allows for several hundred licenses to come to the neighborhood. Within two hours, Cappy's Tavern grabs up all of them, saying that they have "big plans" for the place.

3) The Ankle-Length Kilt Opens in Quincy
After unsuccessfully attempting to open a Tilted Kilt near a church in the downtown area of Boston's southern neighbor, the chain develops a new concept where the waitstaff wear much more conservative outfits and serve items such as buffalo chicken double-wraps and unspicy wings.

4) A Communications Agency Opens a Dining Spot in the Back Bay called "I Hope This Restaurant Finds You Well"
A local marketing and PR firm decides to go into the restaurant business, opening an eatery on Boylston Avenue whose name is based on the opening line of every email they've ever sent. Later in the year, a quick-food outlet called "I Hope This Restaurant Finds You Well Express" opens in the Fenway.

5) A South End Gastropub Closes After Receiving 200 One-Star Facebook Reviews for Serving a Non Hyper-Local Beer
In response to offering a top Maine IPA, a Tremont Street dining and drinking spot gets hit by one bad review after another, with one Facebook poster saying "How dare you sell a beer that isn't made on your block." The owner subsequently shuts the place down and opens a dive bar in Quincy.

6) Lookout Rooftop and Bar in the Seaport District Sets Up a Typhoon Lagoon Bar During the Summer Months
After seeing the success of its heated igloos during the colder months, this waterfront hotel bar decides to add a wave pool to its rooftop space, with machine-generated waves rising up to 10 feet tall every two minutes. The Envoy Hotel (where the Lookout is located) simultaneously dusts off the igloos and sets them up on the ground-floor patio of the Outlook restaurant to protect the diners below.

7) Boston Public Market Announces Plans to Open Stall at Bow Market in Somerville
Sensing that the upcoming Union Square development is going to be a big hit, the year-round indoor market just north of Faneuil Hall gets going with plans to open a 100-square-foot vending booth that features goods from all 40 of their businesses. Plans for the stall fall through when Anthony Bourdain outbids them and opens an international food emporium within the space.

8) Route 1 Disappears
On the heels of the closing of such iconic places as Hilltop Steak House, Weylu's, The Ship, Route 1 Miniature Golf, Augustine's, Donatello, and others, the towns of Saugus and Lynnfield hold a joint meeting and vote to replace Route 1 with luxury condos. The plans get stalled briefly when a motor inn along the road refuses to leave unless they get reimbursed for the free HBO they offer.

9) A Harvard Square Restaurant Is Forced to Close After Nearby Residents Say It Is Too Successful
The Cambridge Planning Board votes to approve the shutting down of a Mass. Ave. dining spot after getting feedback from locals who complain that the place is busy every night. The restaurant appeals but loses, eventually expanding to multiple spots in every city and town bordering Cambridge.

10) A South Shore Dive Bar Closes and Goes Up for Auction; Auction Fails When It Is Realized That the Bar Has No Furniture, Kitchen Equipment, or Decor
A watering hole just off Route 3 shuts down and subsequently holds the most unsuccessful auction in recent history, though the place is able to sell a barrel and 20 bags of ice to a Weymouth resident for $3.00 for his son's graduation party.

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